Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I think I died a long time ago.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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