How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
