whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
