im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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