We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
