You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
