I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
