Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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