here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
