I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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