in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
