# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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