Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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