i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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