when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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