dude i'm inner monologue high
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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