I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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