when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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