I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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