I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
