I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
