i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
