I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
