We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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