what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
