If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize