Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
