all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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