you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
