totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Alive.
So much puke
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
