You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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