I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
