if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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