wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
