I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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