I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
