I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
