Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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