i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
