Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
