Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
