Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
