It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
