I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
