she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
