you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
