I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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