i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize