We're like a lot better than the average bears
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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