so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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