I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
