he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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