We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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