im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
