normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Randomize
