There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
