Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
