We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
