will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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