some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize