You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
