true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
