I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
