If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
