I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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