there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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