just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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