If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
