a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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