Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
