I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
