Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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