Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
