mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
