Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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