She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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