Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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