i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
