i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
