I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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