the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
