shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
