My room smells like vodka and shame
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize