What a fucking waste of an outfit
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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