Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
