just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
