So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize