went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
