I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
