Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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