she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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