Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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