I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
