You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
